The Worst Thing?
by The Thinking Woman
Summary: Inspired by the line from the first movie - what *was* the worst thing Pepper caught Tony doing? One-shot, and my first IM fic :  Rating for adult themes and implied indecency. Enjoy!


**A/N: Soooo... This is my first Iron Man fic. I only saw the movies for the first time a few weeks ago (I know: where have I _been_ for the last 3 years?), but I really enjoyed them; particularly the banter between Tony and Pepper. So I decided to bite the bullet and start writing!**

**This inspiration for this story is the line spoken by Tony in IM1, when Pepper discovers him being helped out of the suit after the Gulmira mission. I (along with probably everyone else who watched it), immediately wanted to know what the worst thing she'd caught him doing _was_. I have a feeling this may have been done a couple of times before, so I hope this is sufficiently different... **

**Rating is for adult themes and implied sexual activity. It's not particularly graphic, but probably not for the kids!**

**Enjoy! (And please do review: I like to know whether it's worth writing any more on a subject! Also, I'm not American so I sometimes struggle a bit with the dialogue. Constructive criticism always welcome!)**

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><p><strong>The Worst Thing?<strong>

_"Let's face it; this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing."_

He had a point, to be fair. Pepper had discovered Tony in the basement, being freed by his robots from what appeared to be some sort of metal exo-skeleton riddled with bullet holes. It was pretty high on the list, but it certainly wasn't the worst thing she'd ever caught him doing.

It was definitely worse than all the times she'd seen him wandering around completely naked, drunk out of his mind and high on god-knows-what. Worse probably than the numerous occasions she'd found him lying in a pool of his own vomit, following a heavy-drinking session. At least those times, the only danger to his life was either choking on his own stomach contents, or a killer hangover.

However, those events paled in comparison to the time she had walked in on him having a threesome with two busty blondes in the living room of his mansion. In the middle of the afternoon. On a work day. Actually, now she thought about it, that had happened _twice_.

Then there was the time she caught him inhaling some illicit substance off of a stripper's butt cheeks. That was during his "wild" phase. He'd calmed down a little since then, thankfully.

What _had_ been particularly horrific - for both of them, though for different reasons - was the occasion, following yet another night of drunken debauchery, when she'd found him lying naked on the sofa applying the best part of a whole bottle of after-sun to places a man should _never_ get sunburnt. Oh yeah, _that_ was bad. Transpired he'd gotten drunk (again) and fallen asleep on a lounger by the pool. By the time he woke up, the sun was already high in the sky, and the damage was done. He hadn't got dressed for a week after that.

Undoubtedly, the second-worse thing she'd ever walked in on was the occasion - about three years ago - when she'd received a call from JARVIS at 4am, requesting her urgent assistance. On arriving at the Stark mansion, she had found Tony in a state of mad panic. Having deciphered his frantic attempts to explain, it had been left to Pepper to call an ambulance for the woman he'd brought home. It turned out she was suffering from a very nasty allergic reaction to the peanut butter he had thought was chocolate spread. Oddly, there seemed to be no evidence of sandwich making...

But the worst - the VERY worst - thing she'd caught him doing beat all of those hands down. So bad was it, that she hadn't spoken to him for three weeks afterwards. In the end, it had cost him two _very_ expensive pairs of shoes and a set of diamond earrings. None of which she'd asked for: they'd just appeared on her desk at a rate of one extortionately expensive gift a week until she'd stopped giving him death-stares. And then he'd attended - and been on time for - every meeting she'd arranged for a month. She knew he was just glad she hadn't quit over it, because she probably should have. Hell, he was lucky he wasn't being sued.

The incident in question had happened about a year ago. She'd gone to his office at Stark Industries one afternoon, with an armful of paperwork. She had knocked on the door, but knowing he wouldn't be busy (she controlled his schedule, after all), hadn't bothered to wait for an invitation to enter. Looking back on it, oh, how she wished she had...

"Hey, Tony, I need you to sign these."

Tony looked up from whatever he was doing. "Hi Potts!"

His expression was indecipherable, but it looked to Pepper's trained eye like mild panic.

"Are you okay?" she inquired.

"Yeah, yeah... But, uhm, what's the point in knocking if you don't wait for an answer?"

Pepper was confused. She never waited for an answer, and he had never had an issue with it. Boundaries and personal space were not Tony's thing, after all. Until now, apparently.

He continued. "I mean, y'know, I could have been in a meeting or something..."

"Tony, I'm your _P-__A-,_" she replied, emphasising the letters. "If you were in a meeting, it would have been me that had arranged it."

"Yeah, well..." Tony shifted uncomfortably. He was up to something - Pepper was sure of that - but she couldn't quite work it out. She approached the desk and deposited the pile of papers in front of him. Tony merely squirmed in his seat, and made no move to lift his hands from his lap to sign them.

"Are you going to sign these, or just keep me hanging? I'm actually pretty busy today."

"Yeah, yeah, just... y'know... gimme a minute," came his agitated reply.

Pepper didn't move from the spot, but folded her arms and waited expectantly. She scanned the room for evidence of whatever mischief he was up to now. Her eyes came to rest on an object by the side of his desk.

"Are you coming down with a cold, or something?" Her voice full of genuine concern, she gestured toward the litter bin, which appeared to be half-full of tissues. "'Cause that's a lot of... Oh. _OH!_"

She clapped her hand over her mouth in horror. "_THAT_ is _disgusting!_"

Realisation dawned. _That_ was why he wasn't moving. Storming past the desk so that she wouldn't have to see anything that might really make her sick, she stared out of the window, arms folded tightly over her chest, one hand still covering her mouth, as if that would stop her from feeling quite so nauseous. Still with her back to him, she eventually composed her thoughts and began her rant.

"Seriously, Stark, have you _no_ shame? Looking at _porn_ on your computer? _Doing __THAT_ in your _office_? In working hours? Really?"

Tony wisely decided to stay quiet. Nothing he said now would do anything other than antagonise her.

Having given him a minute to sort himself out, she spun round to face him, and continued her tirade.

"You don't pay me enough to put up with this, you know. I'm going to leave now, before I'm forced to do something I regret. Sign the papers, I need them back by four."

As she made to leave, she caught a glimpse of his computer screen, just as he tried - and failed - to close the active window. She froze, momentarily speechless. Those pictures were (mostly) perfectly respectable, but all too familiar.

"Mr. Stark..." she stammered in horror, "Is that _MY_ _personnel __file_?"

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><p><strong>Poor Pepper... Hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing it :)<strong>


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